Awkward & Awesome Thursday: South Beach Edition

What better way to summarize our weekend getaway in Miami Beach than by mashing it all together in an A&A post?

AWKWARD

- Trying to catch a bus to South Beach without knowing the bus schedule or which bus goes where. And taking a public bus for the first time. Ever. I am such a suburbanite. I must think I'm hot doo doo with my fancy car and my fancy driver's license.

- The feeling that everyone on the bus was going to mug me. Seriously, they were.

- Popeye the Sailor Man look-a-like on the bus who we were 99% sure just got out on parole. He had one of those teardrop tattoos under his left eye that signifies murdering someone.

- Not knowing what bus stop to get off at. We guessed & pulled the cord right before the bus crossed over into downtown Miami. Ending up in Little Havana looking all touristy could have been even more awkward.

- Being so excited to see Dash Miami (the Kardashian's boutique) and then realizing it looks nothing like it did on TV and is just another trashy store in South Beach. And walking on by like I wasn't actually looking for it.

- The hostesses at every restaurant on Ocean Avenue. They have the awkward & annoying job of harassing everyone that walks by to eat at their restaurant. No, I don't want the $9.95 lunch special. If it's so good, why are you whoring yourself out on a street corner?

- The people who pretend that they're rich but they're not. Dude, you are literally just driving your Ferrari around the same block over and over again in the hopes that people will look at you. Everyone knows it's you again. Maybe space out your route a wee bit.

- The noises pigeons make. A cross between a growl & the noise you make when you throw up. (I think all the NYC pigeons migrated to Miami Beach. I don't blame them).

- Wanting to lay on the grass in the sunshine. But you can't because that's what all the homeless people are doing.

- Walking about 3 miles in one afternoon, and realizing it's the most exercise we've gotten in 3 months.

- Staying in a town of all orthodox Jews. Not being able to find a non-Jewish place to eat breakfast. The store called Kosherland.

- Advertisements for welfare lining the bus walls. Just because we're too cheap to take a taxi doesn't mean we need government assistance, thank you.

- Watching my husband get molested by the TSA at the Philly airport. We passed through security fine and then were waiting at the gate to board our plane when they randomly pulled Tim out of line for no reason in particular. I guess my husband looks like a terrorist. He got the full body pat down. Lucky guy.

- The Publix grocery store, which we purposely mis-pronounced Poo-blix the entire weekend. Hi, we're mature adults.

AWESOME

- Not being in Pennsylvania. Not seeing snow. Not being cold. Not wearing a coat, a scarf or gloves.

- Splitting entrees at an Italian restaurant. Why didn't we think of this before? We ate dinner at Cafe Ragazzi (delightful), asked if they'd split both our Caprese Salad & our Penne Puttanesca (heavenly), and they happily obliged. Our bill was 1/2 the price, and we were still full! We are totally doing this everywhere from now on.

- Having a bottle of 2000 Dom Perignon champagne sent to our table while we were at lunch at the Surf Club (next door to the condo).

And yes, we drank the whole thing. Is that even a question?

- Randomly stumbling upon historic Espanola Way. Cutest little alley way ever.

- Grocery stores that sell wine & beer. Are PA, DE & NJ the only states that separate everything? My life would be a lot more convenient if they didn't. And I'd probably buy a lot more wine, too...

- Not watching TV for an entire weekend.

- Getting burnt (on purpose) by the Florida sun. It's not sun burn. We prefer "vitamin D overdose".

- Southwest Airline's flight attendants. I think a job requirement is also that you have to be a comedian. They are hilarious & actually calm my nerves when I fly!

- Finally going on a honeymoon. Even if it was just a mini one ;-)