Still Cookin'

Just to answer your questions up front: Yes, I'm still pregnant. True, I could "go" any day now. No, I'm still not ready.

What does "ready" even mean?  Ready to stop wearing maternity pants that give me a permanant wedgie? Yes. Ready to stop waking up at 3am with burning acid reflux? You bet. Ready to not cry inside everytime I weigh myself? Naturally.

But am I really ready for the mental and physical anguish of childbirth and raising a child for 18+ years? Absolutely not! No one's ever ready for that... no matter how much they convince themselves they are. But guess what, we women realize that it's a necessary evil if we want the human race to live on. So we make sacrafices.

Here are some 38 week preggo tidbits for you. Consider this your verbal dose of birth control for the day.

Your weight gain will horrify you. I don't care what the breakdown is for how much the extra blood and placenta weighs. IT SUCKS. I'll tell you how much I gained. 38 pounds. I've heard, "Oh, that's nothing, my sister's friend gained 60!" It doesn't matter how much you gain. Going from your normal starting weight to anything above that feels terrible and unnatural.

Your pregnancy will annoy people. A lot of people will act like a-holes towards you for a number of reasons. I've concluded that all of these reasons point back to jealousy. They wish they could get pregnant and can't/they wish they'd had kids and are now too old. They think you're getting special treatment. They think you're going to quit your job and never come back (and secretly want to do the same). They are generally miserable about life and hate when others are happy, but only because they long to be happy and can't. They visualize you giving birth and it grosses them out (but secretly want to know what it's like).

The little kicks that you first thought were "special" will eventually bruise your ribs and make any position you try to sit/lay in unbearable. You will curse your unborn child. You will wish you never got pregnant in the first place. You'll hear a news story about some woman leaving her child on a doorstep with a note pinned to his onesie and for a split second... have a hard time condemning her.

A lot of medical advice you receive is based on NOTHING. You'll hear a lot of the following gibberish: "Well, we don't know if it's bad or not, so just don't do it." Mmm k, doc. Whatever you say. One turkey hoagie, please...

You will lie to your doctor/midwife. It's uncontrollable. You'll lie about your diet. You'll lie about drinking alcohol. You'll lie about your weight. There will just come a time when you don't feel like hearing shit, and you'll lie. Blame it on the hormones and move on.

Wedding day v. A few weeks ago (who looks happier?)

I've also come to the conclusion that just because other people's kids make me cringe, that it doesn't mean I will be a horrible mother. Tim and I were watching the new show on Animal Planet called "Puppies v. Babies". What happens is they show you a clip of a baby doing something cute and then a video of a puppy or kitten doing something cute, and then you have to decide which is cuter.

In my mind, the puppy or kitten always won.